The Inaugural Hare and Hounds Chunder Mile
By Ben Davies
Subject to the results of a compulsory post-race drugs test to ensure that all participants in yesterdays Chunder Mile are still over the limit this afternoon I can now announce the offical race results:
Chunder Mile Parkers Piece, 5.50pm, Tuesday 14th March 2000 Dave 'I was ready for another 3K' Barker 6:51 Rob 'Good Lord I've chundered' Fergus 7:34 Francis 'Whoops maybe I shouldn't have chosen lager' Malone Lee 17:20
Dave may have gained a strategic advantage by selecting his Asics Tiger Bitter trainers as conditions underfoot did deteriorate as the mile wore on, particularly around Rob's drinks station and beside his line of running.
Final revised split times were as follows (NB the acuracy of these times is only approximate!):
P 400 P 400 P 400 P 400 DAVE 8 79 25 77 34 80 38 70 ROB 9 69 32 65 57* 76 78 68** FRANCIS 19 73 90 91 4.38 98 4.54 97 (* indicates chunder) Total times translate as follows: Total Running Time Total Drinking Time DAVE 5:06 1:45 (Guiness) ROB 4:38 2:56 (Guiness; and stomach contents) FRANCIS 5:59 11:21 (Fosters)
The slow Barker opening pace proved a strategic winner in the latter stages. Fergus paid dearly for a blistering second lap and wasted precious seconds in puking into his glass on the third pint, thus forcing himself to drink most of it twice. FLM was clearly in trouble with the lager on the second pint and lost touch with the leaders on the third, which he took almost as long to finish as Alex Hutchinson on a Saturday night. The lead changed hands several times over the first half of the race but Dave's superior drinking pace opened up an unassailable lead over the second two pints and left him over a lap clear on the final leg. Moreover he remained in control of his stomach muscles even after a fast final lap which brought him home comfortably under 7 minutes; whilst the Lord chundered for a (possibly record) third time exactly two minutes after finishing.
Congratulations to all involved and we look forward to the re-match with great interest.
(PS Rumour has it that the girls are now considering a new variation involving a Cocktail Chunder Mile (Screwdriver - 400m - Snowball - 400m - Sex on the Beach - 400m - Zombie - 400m. Date to be announced)
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| Lord Fergus |